“Wow, I found your heartbeat so fast! It’s nice and strong!” As I said these words playing, “doctor” with my daughter, I was immediately transported back four YEARS. Lying on my bed, baby bump lathered in cold goop, searching for her heartbeat with my doppler. Giddy when I fianally found it, getting lost in that rhythmic thumping. She quickly brought me back to reality and I sat their astonished at how fast time slips by regardless of how tightly you try to hold on to precious those moments.
My sweet, sassy, wild flower, sour patch child, Adaline. Or, as you say, “No, I’m Addy!” You went from a babbling baby to an *opinionated* little lady. You are the full blown definition of a “threenager.” You stretch me to my limits as I white knuckle your toddler emotions. You pull me into your imagination as you sing-narrate your play. You have forced me to recognize my own struggles as I learn how to guide you through understanding your big feelings.
My entire worldview and personhood is forever changed because of you. I can’t help but chuckle when I think about all the expectations I had for motherhood and raising a child. I don’t think most of my “plans” made it past the first week of your life. You shook up my neat, tidy intentions like an etch a sketch! In the process you helped me become more comfortable with myself and more confident in my ability to bend and mold to the mother you need me to be. I’ve never known I could be so fierce, but my love for you gives me courage to roar. Nobody could ever or will ever love you more, here on earth, than your mother.
I will always look at this chapter in our book with such fondness and frankly, some relief, when we finally make it through. I think a part of me will always picture you at this age, regardless if you are 12, 25, 47, 68 (God willing I’m still around). You are my little wildflower. Stunningly beautiful, with a wild mane of untamed sunshine flowing behind you as you run from adventure to adventure. When I picture you as a young girl and adult, I still imagine you with unkempt blonde curls and hand picked, mismatched outfits running around outside. I imagine you walking down the aisle in a flowing dress, with a wildflower bouquet (mom will be ugly crying). It seems like we will be in our current chapter forever, but I know a year from now, five years from now, something will happen that will shoot me back to this chapter and I again will sit astonished at how fast time slipped past us.
There is so much negativity and griping about the terrible twos and threes and sometimes during our really tough moments, I get lost wishing we could just get past them already. Little moments, like watching you swing your feet back and forth on the side of your bed, whilr ee read stories, pull my focus back to the present.
Roller coaster emotions and all, you are at such a wonderful age. The world is still magical! There is no dream too big – you can jump up and grab the moon! No moment too small to capture your attention and awe. You unabashedly dance, you heroically put out fires and take care of any and all boo-boos. You are the best at making your baby brother laugh. You love and live so big and I pray often you never lose your spark or allow the world to dim your vibrancy.
As the months and years pass and your interests peak and wane, I hope you always keep these qualities. May your stubbornness turn into resiliency. Your desire to do things your own way turn into ambition and breaking molds. Your sassiness turn into you bravely standing up for what is right even when it’s scary.
Sometimes you ask me, “Why are you my mommy?” I always respond with, “Because God thought I was the best one to help you grow into who you need to be.” I think I say that more for myself than for you. I pray often for guidance on how to he just that. My beautiful wild flower, I just love watching you bloom.